The Chronicles of Patrick Drake

July 27, 2007 – Dad in a Different Light

2007-07-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

I don’t even know how to begin. All I can think is that I have my dad – the man who raised me – back. He’s more relaxed and confident. He’s laughing and flirting. I don’t know what he did to the moody, uptight, cantankerous man who took up residence in my dad’s body for the past 12 years. It’s amazing what a little rock music and an international spy can do in a few short weeks.

I still worry about him taking a drink, but Anna Devane has him well in hand; maybe a little too much so for my and Robin’s comfort. I mean, I love my dad. I want him to be happy and live his life, but I’m not sure I’m really ready to see him dating or . . . anything else. And possibly with Robin’s mom? While they are consenting adults, that would be just a little weird. Robin is freaking out and the more she talks about the two of them the more she forces me to think about it. I don’t want to. I’m sure Anna and dad are just spending a lot of time together to make this concert a success, though . . . my dad is trying to impress Anna. What does that mean? I’m afraid we’ll find out soon enough. It can’t be that bad, can it?

May 25 – A Flirt

2007-05-25T06:30:00.000-05:00

I love women. I’ve always loved women. That’s my mother’s fault. I can admit that I’m charming and . . . a flirt. Even though, I’m Robin’s boyfriend, I’m still a man. I can appreciate a pretty woman. That said, why would I do anything but look? I mean, I have Robin; so why would I want anyone else?

I know she’s insecure because of her past and I’m trying to make sure she knows I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t cheat when she broke up with me for “Nikolas.” Okay, I asked a few women out, but all women who know Robin and know how much I love her. There was never any chance of any of them seriously going out with me. If I did that, she has to know that I won’t cheat when I have her back in my life and bed.

As much as I hate her being insecure, it worked in my favor this time. In fact, she may have created a monster. She took me home and we did things I can’t even mention. It was amazing. That probably wasn’t the right thing for her to do. Between that and watching her try not to act jealous, it could really give me an incentive to flirt.

May 22 – Neurotic Girlfriends

2007-05-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

I thought my head was going to explode. Robin and I continued our conversation about her moving in with me and she threw up every road block she could think of. As much as I love Robin, she’s absolutely neurotic. She had the audacity to dare me to admit that she drives me crazy. Of course, I did. She does. Robin even went down the road of setting boundaries. Like we’ve ever really respected those. Every time we set rules to make everything absolutely clear, we break them and then we fight. Why go through that when we don’t have to?

I know she wants to live with me as much as I want to live with her. I also know she’s terrified that what we have will be lost. Everyone she’s ever loved has left her behind in some way. I’m not going to add to that number. We’re finally happy – both of us. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way.

May 21 – In Need of Therapy

2007-05-21T23:02:00.000-05:00

We do need therapy. My father was right. Not like I’d ever tell him that.

How did we get here? Robin used to be the one wanting a firm commitment and now after just a few months, I’ve taken over the role. I know she’s been through a lot over the past few months. What with recovering from a gunshot wound and a hostage situation to being blackmailed to lie to me about her and Nikolas and being forced to keep the secret about Craig, she’s been on a rollercoaster. But then, so had he.

Now we’ve found the cure for Nikolas and we’re back together. But she still doesn’t want to move in with me. Or rather she’s afraid to move in with me. She says we’re totally incompatible. She’s wrong. She’s my best friend. We can handle anything as long as we’re together. I just have to find a way to make her see that.

April 8 – Getting By

2007-04-08T22:25:00.000-05:00

This week has been a hard one. Seeing Robin at work and knowing that she was going home to Nikolas pisses me off. As a result of it, I jumped down Epiphany’s throat and threw Robin and Nikolas in Emily’s face. I felt bad about that. Emily is going through the same thing I am and she didn’t deserve that from me.

Speaking of Emily, she’s in denial. Emily just doesn’t believe that Nikolas would hurt her again and because she was there when Robin was only thinking of me when she was shot. I didn’t want to believe either, but the reality is that Robin is living with Nikolas and Emily and I are alone.

Yes, there’s something strange going on with Robin and she doesn’t look particularly happy with this new arrangement. Maybe, it’s just the fact that she knows how much I love her and she tossed my love back in my face as if she didn’t care. Maybe if I was a different man, I’d just let it go or hold on to the hope that she’ll come back to me. I’m not that man and I’m not that noble. I will not make this easy for her.

April 1 – April Fools

2007-04-01T22:37:00.000-05:00

I guess the joke’s on me. I thought what Robin and I had was the real thing, that thing I saw between my mom and dad. Obviously, I was wrong. I been working at allowing myself to open up and let my guard down and what does Robin do when I let her in, she runs out on me. And not only does she leave me, but she leaves me for Nikolas. She says their only friends and that I need to trust her and respect her decisions, but she doesn’t trust me. After all the things we’ve been to each other, for her to move in with Nikolas at the spur of the moment is beyond belief.

I gave her more than one chance to talk to me and let me help her with whatever is going on and she refused. I don’t know if she was lying to me the whole time or if she’s caught up in something that’s really dangerous, but either way, I’m done. I’ve tried and I’m not that patient guy who’ll just wait around for the other shoe to drop. I guess I’m just not that loyal and decent. Right now, I’m pissed . . . and I’m hurt. If and when she does come around, I don’t know that I’ll be waiting for her. How could she expect me to?

March 27 – What the H#LL?

2007-03-27T23:44:00.000-05:00

I’m extremely confused. Robin decided to move in with Mac after being released from the hospital, but I always thought when she recovered that she’d be moving back in with me. But, she doesn’t want to do that right now. She thinks we moved in together for the wrong reasons the first time. I could buy that, if she was getting her own place and we were moving toward her moving back in. That’s not the case.

Now, she’s about to move into Wyndemere . . . with Nicolas, where she “doesn’t have to pay rent and has servants.” Give me a break. When has any of that been important to her? Something’s wrong and she’s not talking to me. I don’t know how to help her if she won’t talk to me. I love her and I know she loves me. Whatever it is that’s scaring her is something major. And I need her to trust me with it. Maybe Mac will be able to get to the bottom of this. Someone has to.

March 20, 2007 – Long Time No Write

2007-03-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

I know it’s been a while, but a lot has happened over the past few weeks . . . a hostage situation at the Metro Court; Robin being shot; me directing her surgery over the phone to a medical student; her getting out alive and Alan dying. On top of that, I got my HIV test results back. I’m NEGATIVE.

That pending test had practically consumed every idle thought, but there was Robin. She was always there for me even when I made the mistake of going off to Las Vegas with Pete after an argument over our moving in together. Okay, I’ll admit that I’m sometimes an idiot. Not often, mind you, but I have my moments. When I got back she had been arrested and thought I really didn’t want her to live with me. How wrong she was. I love her and I wanted her with me, but I get scared sometimes of needing her too much.

I didn’t realize how much I needed her until I found out she’d been shot and I thought I was going to lose her. I realized then that my life wouldn’t be worth living without her. I finally understood what my dad must have gone through when he lost my mother. He says I’m a better man than he is, but I think he’s wrong. The only difference would be that I would have had him there to help me get through it.

Anyway, she was saved, thanks to Nikolas and Emily. Elizabeth and Carly apparently had a little something to do with saving Robin, as well. I owe them all more than I could ever repay. Robin is safe and sound and staying at Mac’s. I’m still not really sure how I feel about that, but I’m glad she’s getting to spend some time with her family.

In the midst of all this, we did suffer a tragedy – the death of Alan Quartermaine. I really wish I’d known him better. He was always understanding and compassionate with me. I hate that Robin had to lose another person she held dear. But that just goes to show that you have to live each day as if it were your last. Nothing is promised.

January 22 – Big Questions

2007-01-23T12:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, now it’s official. My girlfriend is neurotic.

I’m learning that I know very little about relationships. All I know is that I love Robin and can’t imagine not having her be part of my life. I found Robin at the hospital where I knew she’d be. Whenever she’s scared, she throws herself into work. Then, I did the only logical thing. I asked her to move in with me. She said, “No”.

Supposedly, I’m afraid of commitment and I’m only doing this to make her happy. Forget the fact that I want to wake up to her in the morning and go to bed next to her every night. Forget the fact that I want to share meals and furniture. I knew she was scared, but I gave her the key to use or not at her will. She did. We rearranged furniture. We christened the couch and she . . . changed her mind. So, yes, Robin is a little neurotic, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

January 19 – Like a Yo-Yo

2007-01-20T15:44:00.000-05:00

I got up early this morning and reordered the couch that I sent back, along with some other furniture that I liked when I went to the furniture store to have them pick up the couch. After my conversation with Robin, I decided maybe it was time for me to step out and try something new. The apartment is growing on me, so I decided to keep it. If I’m staying, I need furniture. Robin was right. I can’t sit on folding chairs or the floor forever. So, I have all this furniture delivered. Today. What does that get me? Another fight with Robin. I send furniture back – I’m wrong. I buy furniture – I’m wrong. I can not win.

Now, she thinks that I’m just doing things to please her. I’m not. I’m doing what I want, but even if I was doing this to please her – is that such a bad thing? You’d think she’d be happy. But, no, not Robin. Okay, yes, I overreacted and had the couch returned, because I didn’t know what it meant to Robin. Yes, I had a pretty quick turn around and ordered an apartment full of furniture, but I do very few things that I don’t want to do. Robin should know that. Instead, she does what she always does when she’s unsure – she runs. What am I supposed to do now?

January 18 – Honesty: It Works

2007-01-19T00:52:00.000-05:00

Robin had a couch delivered. A really nice couch. To my apartment. At first I didn’t think much of it, but then Pete came over and I realized that Robin and I might be in different places. I sent the couch back, not because I didn’t like it, but because Robin did overstep her bounds. This is why I didn’t want an apartment. I liked living at the Metro Court because I didn’t have to cook or clean . . . or decorate. It was easy.

Robin and I had a really good talk about the couch and the apartment and I really think she understands where I’m coming from. I just don’t want to rush our relationship. Robin is all I want and I don’t want to screw it up. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she got hurt. But now that Robin understands my phobias and my need to run my own life, maybe I’ll keep the place . . . and that sofa was really nice. Maybe I’ll try this for a little longer and see what happens.

January 10 – Shopping and Attempted Murder

2007-01-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

One minute Robin is trying to lure me out of the hospital to go shopping for a sofa and the next Lorenzo Alcazar is being brought in with a gun shot wound to the head. To say the least, it’s been a busy couple of days.

Robin has been driving me crazy about furnishing an apartment that I never wanted. Now she’s talking about the fact that I have to “experience” the sofa and something about the “seven points of comfort.” If I’m looking for points of comfort, I’ll be looking in other places than on a sofa – on Robin namely. And the fact that she appears to want to add all these personal touches to “my” apartment kinda freaks me out. I’m not sure what she’s looking for or that I can give it to her.

Enough about my apartment issues, on to work. Lorenzo Alcazar was brought in unconscious with bullet fragments in his brain. Alan wanted to relieve the pressure in his brain and go back in later to remove the fragments. That would almost guarantee that he’s have some brain damage. I convinced Skye, with Robin’s help, that Lorenzo’s best chance of a full recovery was to have surgery immediately to relieve the pressure and remove the fragments. The surgery was a success, but then Mr. Alcazar went in to cardiac arrest, which isn’t normal for this type of surgery. Later, we found what looked like condensation in his IV. We think someone might still be trying to kill him. Before Robin agreed with me on that, I thought she believed I botched the surgery. She didn’t and I apologized for jumping to conclusions.

She started talking about us getting closer personally and I’d think that’s a good thing, but that’s leads into her suggesting that we not work so closely together. Explain that logic to me. I respect her work and her consultation on cases is invaluable. So, how is that a disservice to our patients and our careers? We keep each other honest and call each other on our crap. I’d say that’s reason enough for us to continue working together, but who am I? I’m just the guy in this “relationship”.

January 2 – Insecurity

2007-01-03T15:41:00.000-05:00

I thought Robin might be disappointed that we didn’t do anything special for New Year’s, but she was content to spend the night with me – just the two of us. But then, the conversation turned to me decorating my apartment or rather Robin decorating my apartment. It got a little tense when I resisted her recommendations and she was there freaking out and going on the defense which happens to be her reflex when she feels threatened. I stopped her from leaving and reminded her of her New Year’s resolution – to be honest with me. She finally took a breath and told me what was wrong.

I couldn’t believe that she thought that she could just be a blip on my radar because I was stuck by a needle. She changed my life. I love her and that isn’t going to change. I can’t imagine my life without her being part of it. At the same time, I’m not nearly ready to let her make decisions for me or to live with her. I’m not even sure if she realizes that she’s pushing for that. But that’s definitely the impression I got. All I know is that all the talk about dressers and sofas and art work is freaking me out a little. How do I tell her that without hurting her or making her feel threatened again?

January 1 – The Holidays

2007-01-01T18:41:00.000-05:00

This year, the holidays were better than I thought they’d be. Christmas was the best one since I lost my mother. Robin and I worked Christmas Eve and helped out at the hospital Christmas party. Then, I spent the rest of the Christmas holiday with Robin decorating a Christmas tree and snuggling in front of the finished product.

New Year’s Eve. I had all intentions of going to the New Year’s Eve party at the Metro Court and then getting a room at the hotel, because my new empty apartment hates me. I couldn’t find anything in my suitcases. It was ridiculous. But then Robin came through. She got some of her furniture out of storage and brought an air mattress. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying the quiet and each other. I don’t know if there’s a better way to ring in the New Year. We’ll just have to see next year.

December 20 – New Digs

2006-12-20T20:43:00.000-05:00

I was right. Robin found an apartment – the perfect one according to her. I thought I could get out of it. After all, I have the perfect situation living in a hotel. Robin, of course, disagrees. She kept making comments as if she’d be living there with me. And she blew it off, but I’m not sure where that was going and I didn’t really have time to pursue it, because the ignorant landlord stopped in.

One minute, he’s offering me a lease and the next he’s telling me that he has to look out for the other residents because I treat patients with HIV and AIDS. How ridiculous is that? It pissed me off. The next thing I know, I’m threatening lawsuits and the press about his discrimination and now I’ve got an apartment I don’t even want. But, there are a few fringe benefits. We christened a couple of flat surfaces before we left. I guess I’ll go sign that lease tomorrow. This could definitely turn out to be worth my time and money.

December 14 – Changes

2006-12-15T00:16:00.000-05:00

Not only can I not do surgeries while my hand is in this cast, I can’t even dress myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever been as frustrated in my life as I was when Robin showed up at my door this morning. There I was in my underwear with my pants around my knees. How ridiculous is that? Robin offered to stay with me last night, but I knew she needed her sleep after the five or six shots of Tequila she downed at Jake’s.

As a result of my fractured hand, I’ve been relegated to speeches and meetings at work. To top that off, my dad is now doing surgery on my patients. If Robin hadn’t gone to Jake’s drinking none of this would have happened. But, it did. Now she’s busy trying to make it up to me . . . by finding me an apartment. I told her that I’d like to have a place of my own, but the hotel is really convenient. Other than the fact that it’s costing me a fortune, it’s great. Room service. Maid service. What more could a guy ask for? I guess I’ll find out soon, because Robin is nothing if not tenacious. If she says she’ll find me an apartment, she will.

December 11 – Drinking at Jakes

2006-12-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

What was I thinking? Oh that’s right, I wasn’t thinking. After that talk with my dad, all I knew was that I had to find Robin. I knew Robin was drowning in guilt, but I hadn’t thought about the fear of going on. So what do I do? I go and find her. What’s she doing? Drinking . . . at Jake’s. When I saw her taking that shot all I could do was see my dad – drowning his sorrows because he lost my mother and I couldn’t let Robin sink any lower into herself. I had to get her out of there. But she with her inhibitions lowered resisted me. All I was trying to do was get my girl and go home. She could sober up and we could talk. That would have been too easy.

Instead, Coleman steps in like I’d actually hurt Robin. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I’m in x-ray with a broken hand. Robin was obviously still somewhat drunk because there she was reciting my resume’ to the x-ray tech as if she cared. And if all that wasn’t bad enough, my dad was on call at the hospital. The humiliation just kept on coming. Dad basically called me a moron for trying to “impress the babe”, which Robin definitely is despite what she says. What he didn’t get was that I wasn’t trying to impress her or defend her honor, I was protecting her.

The worst part of all this is that I can’t operate for a while. But there may be a bright side – Robin offered to take care of me. She’ll have to help me dress and all sorts of other things. There could be a benefit to all this. One thing I’m definitely glad about – voice recognition software. Who knew it would come in so handy?

December 8 – The Competition

2006-12-10T22:52:00.000-05:00

After Robin left me on the roof, I had a run-in with Epiphany. She had the nerve to comment about my relationship with Robin. That was the last thing I needed to hear from her. I gave her a run down of the pecking order around the hospital. I know it won’t do me any good, but it felt good at the time. At least until she threw the fact that my relationship with Robin is pretty public anyway. That’s none of her business. The only thing she should be worried about is making sure my patients are checked.

Dad walked up to the nurses’ station just as Epiphany walked away. I didn’t need a run-in with him, too, and I told him so. Instead of lecturing me, he offered me an ear and some advice. I think I understand better what happened to him when Mom died. He lost the person that was most central to his life and he felt guilty that he was still alive and fear that he might lose someone else. That’s why he’s never tried to be in another relationship. That also explains Robin better. While I’ve thought I was in competition with Stone for her affection, I’ve really been a source of her distress. Or the possible loss of me is a source of her distress. I have no doubt that she loves me. I just don’t know how to help her move past her fear of losing me or losing love again. I can’t promise to always be there, because accidents happen everyday. But I can promise to love her and be there for as long as I can.

December 7 – Survivor’s Guilt

2006-12-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

Dad really got his today. He comes up to the nurse’s station to give me a hard time for scaring one of his patients out of surgery with the truth. Little did he know, the real culprit was someone he’s never met - the Dark and Deconstructive Dr. Robin Scorpio. Robin’s taken on a fatalistic view and she has tunnel vision. It’s shadowing her treatment of patients and her life. She’s telling every patient the truth, but not with any compassion or her innate sense of optimism. Dad told her as well or better than I could that she’s selling herself, her patients and her talent short. The pessimism and negativity are eating her alive and she can’t see it.

Obviously, her lecture from Dad didn’t do much good, because the next time I saw her she was giving Alexis her eulogy. Robin, after reviewing Alexis’ chart, stated every negative fact that could be stated, but she left out that with cancer, attitude is everything. Alexis is brave and tenacious and has a positive attitude and she’ll need that in order to recover. Robin knows that, but she’s so busy drowning in her own misery that she can’t give anyone the hope they need to fight.

Robin has a classic case of survivor’s guilt. She feels guilty that she’s able to live when Laura’s stuck inside her own mind. She feels guilty that Stone died when she lived. The cocktail worked for her and not for Stone. She’s lived 10 years with the drugs and Stone died young. After her relationship with Jason ended, she went to Paris and buried herself in her work, ignoring the beauty that is Paris and refusing to live. Now she’s back in Port Charles and has fallen in love with me. This has been coming ever since she admitted that she loved me. This meltdown only needed a catalyst and Laura Spencer was it. I need Robin to realize what she’s doing to herself and everyone around her. I’m worried about her and I don’t know how to help her.

December 6 – Relationship World

2006-12-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

Robin stopped by my place earlier and apologized for dragging our personal relationship into our professional debate. I know she’s going through a hard time, so I didn’t push her too hard. I realized Pete, with all his arrogance and opinions on relationships, was right. Relationships with people you love are harder than one-night stands, but they, with all their frustrations and misunderstandings, are so much more satisfying than I ever thought they could be.

I love Robin and I’m not going to stop. She drives me crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My relationship with her is what I wanted before I even knew it. We talked about what Pete considers the downfall of man – Relationship World, where Robin makes all the rules and just tells me when I break them. That could be a problem, depending on the rules, but Robin made a few that I think I’m going to like:

1) We always give each other the benefit of the doubt.
2) We’re always honest with each other.
3) Walking out is acceptable, but giving up is not.

This “Relationship” thing just keeps getting better.

December 5 – In Pain

2006-12-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

I’m not sure this is what I signed up for. Robin is on a tare and taking it out on everyone around her. She’s attacking me at every turn and I almost think she’s looking for a fight. I’m not planning on giving her one. I’m trying to be a supportive boyfriend, but what do I get? That I’m throwing her shortcomings in her face. Give me a break. I’m just trying to make Robin see that she’s human and what happened to Laura and her family is not her fault.

When I finally told Robin I loved her, I thought of what my parents were like when I was a kid. It never occurred to me what that must have cost them. Robin is in so much pain and grief right now and she’s on the defense. It’s what she does when she’s trying to protect herself. Everything in me wants to help her. I guess this is what love is, wanting to help someone even when they’re trying to push you away. Robin had the nerve to basically tell me to leave her alone – as if that’s going to happen. She’s fighting me all the way, but I won’t let her handle this alone, no matter what she says.

December 4 – Not the Same

2006-12-05T03:39:00.000-05:00

Pete came by the hospital and what do I do, I find myself whining. Whining! Me! What has happened to me? Pete says love. He could be right.

For months, Robin did nothing but berate me for my bedside manner and my lack of social graces when it came to treating my patients, now she’s done an about face. I’m trying to give my patients some hope, when Robin has lost hope and she’s taking it out on everyone around her. Oddly enough, I understand that. Every time she experiences a loss, it brings back the loss of Stone and I can only imagine what that feels like.

Pete helped me bring a few things into focus. I’m not the same man I used to be. I love Robin. She’s hurting right now. I’m not giving up on her. I don’t know how long our time together will last, but it’s much more satisfying than being without her. I know I have to be supportive, because right now she’s drowning and I won’t lose her to this.

December 3 – Overreacting

2006-12-03T23:41:00.000-05:00

Robin is definitely overreacting to the fact that Laura had a relapse. We knew this could happen from the start. So did Luke. Lucky even told Robin that none of this is her fault and that he and his siblings were glad for the time they had with Laura. But Robin is allowing this loss to affect the way she treats every patient. The Robin I know and love would never give up on a patient. She would fight tooth and nail to give any patient more time with their family, but now it’s like she’s lost her faith in herself and medicine. She couldn’t save Laura, so now she’s giving up on everyone.

On Thursday, Robin scared the parents of a kid with the “truth.” The kid has a tumor the size of a grapefruit and Robin basically told his parents that no matter what, their kid wasn’t going to make it. That’s not Robin. I know she’s having a hard time and I’m going to be there for her, but I can’t let her scare the patients into not getting the treatment they need. While medicine is a science, it’s not exact. Anything can happen. Getting Laura back in the first place was a miracle. I’ve got to find a way to show Robin that.

November 29 - Not Quitting

2006-11-30T02:18:00.000-05:00

The last week has been rough – Laura Spencer going back into her catatonic state, the incident in the OR with Mr. Whitney and the anniversary of Stone’s death. All of that would affect anyone, but Robin is taking it really hard that she allowed the Spencer family to have “false hope”, as she puts it. Robin’s tenacity is the reason Laura had additional time with her family and while her family is grieving the loss right now, I know they appreciate the time they had with Laura. I know that because I would give almost anything to have even an hour with my mother.

The Whitney procedure didn’t help Robin’s outlook. It was supposed to be his turning point and we almost lost him on the table, but we didn’t. Somehow as a result, Robin believes that she’s a failure, when she’s anything but. Her research and brilliance is what got Mr. Whitney to the point where he could get through a surgery. It’s because of her that he’s alive. Robin’s biggest problem is that she gets close to her patients. It’s also one of the things that make her an exceptional doctor. Robin, Ms. “Optimism”, has hit a wall and she’s going through this crisis of faith. But I guess the OR incident plus the anniversary of Stone’s death would have an adverse affect.

Stone. Robin’s first love died young and that is imprinted in her mind and heart. I would never try to take that love away from her and I know she loves me, but it still feels like a competition. Maybe, it’s just my competitive nature, but Stone’s memory has been perfected in Robin’s mind. It’s what we do when we loss the people we love – we remember the good and put it in a box. I don’t know if Stone had lived whether he and Robin would still be together. I’d like to think that she would have still become the brilliant doctor that walked into my OR a year ago and turned my world on its axis. Either way we’re together now and I’m not quitting on her or letting her quit without a fight.

November 23 – Giving Thanks

2006-11-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned. Dad was at the clinic and I had to work, but I was invited to spend Thanksgiving dinner with Robin’s family. That could have been a big deal had it actually happened.

Instead, we had a medical emergency that kept both Robin and I at the hospital. That is after I got a call to check on Laura Spencer, who it appears is relapsing back into psycho-motor dissociation. After the wedding the other day, we really hoped she’d have more time with her family. It’s sad that that isn’t going to happen. I understand better now why Robin was so adamant about giving Laura the LS49. Laura Spencer is an amazing woman of strength and dignity – she deserved this time with her family even it was only temporary.

I’m not sure that Robin sees it that way though. When I told her what was happening to Laura, she was pretty upset. Lately, she’s been pretty hard on herself for having pushed the treatment when Nikolas, Lucky and Lulu are suffering, but I believe that while they may be sad to lose their mother again, they’re grateful for the time they had together. I know I’m grateful for the time I have with my father and for Robin. This year has had plenty of twists and turns, but in many ways, it’s been better than I ever hoped.

November 15 – Feeling Guilty

2006-11-16T04:06:00.000-05:00

When I saw Robin earlier, I mistakenly thought she was worried about what Pete said about our relationship. She quickly tossed that out the window. Robin actually said that she has total trust in me. How far we have come!

What was really bothering her was the fact that we know Laura Spencer is going to relapse into her physical condition in a just weeks. Robin’s taking it hard. She feels as if she got everyone’s hopes up for them to only be crushed in the very near future. I tried telling her that she was just doing her job. I know if it were me, I’d want whatever time I had to be shared with the ones I love. Laura Spencer is doing that. I just hope Robin can get over the guilt.

November 13 – Making Friends

2006-11-13T17:50:00.000-05:00

An old college buddy of mine, Peter Marquez, is now a professor at Port Charles University and I wanted to meet Robin. After all, he was instrumental in my moving here and therefore instrumental in my getting to know Robin better. I just thought it was about time for him to meet her, since I’ve finally admitted I’m in love with her. Anyway, I invited him out for a drink at Jake’s, where after I told him I’d fallen in love with Robin, he proceeded to try “saving” me . . . from myself. What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t need saving. Being in love is better than I ever imagined it could be.

When Robin arrived, Pete was trying to talk me into a trip to Las Vegas to “clear my head”. The two were introduced and from then on it was like a tennis match, each of them volleying. While I played referee, the two of them went at it. At one point, Robin said something about love and passion not lasting. I guess that’s one thing I have to disagree on, because I’ve seen love last. I watched my father and mother and even now I know that my father still loves her. It’s also as clear as day that Robert Scorpio still has feelings for Anna. So, while things may happen to relationships, the love doesn’t necessarily end. Robin sounded pretty convinced, but instead of starting another debate with her, I’ll just have to show her different.

As the debate on love continued, I tried changing the subject to something “fun” like a root canal or a hangover. Didn’t work. Before I knew it, Robin was quoting Lincoln’s eulogy and Pete was quoting himself. It was ridiculous. After he left, I asked Robin if I was as bad as Pete when we first met and she said I was worse. I think she may be exaggerating. She’s done that before.

November 9 - Next Steps

2006-11-09T21:42:00.000-05:00

Telling Robin "I love you" may have been the best move I've ever made. For a long time, I was afraid to admit my feelings and now that I have, I'm relieved. It's not everyday that a man gets a woman like Robin Scorpio. She's my best friend - the one person I know I can depend on. I feel like we may be on our way to something better than we could imagine. The fact that she shared her "meltdown" with me clearly said that she trusts me - with her fears and with her heart. That's not something I take lightly.

Back at the hospital, I ran into my second best girl - Epiphany. She accused me of being in romantic bliss with Robin. She's very intuitive. And even though she'd never admit to anyone, Epiphany is happy for us. I can tell. I love Robin and I know she loves me. Epiphany gave orders about PDAs at the nurse's station. Robin and I will try to keep it private. I didn't make any promises. Robin thought my making her my special french toast was amazing, but this is only the beginning.

November 7 – Love . . . A Frightening Thing

2006-11-08T00:51:00.000-05:00

What started as a night of spontaneity ended with me admitting that I love Robin. After a discussion about our becoming predictable, we ended up at Luke’s casino for a night of gambling. Just when we were about to go back to my apartment and “play”, we got called in for an emergency. The patient who happened to have AIDS needed surgery and Robin was worried. As a result, she reverted to type – she got into my OR and started giving “suggestions” as to how I should proceed with the procedure.

As soon as the surgery was over, she disappeared. But I found her later and told her in no uncertain terms that when I’m operating, I’m in charge. She’s just there to observe and provide any additional insight into the care of the patient, not in the direction I take a procedure. In the midst of my explaining that, I happened to blurt out that I love her.

I guess I’ve known for a while that I loved Robin, but I got scared. Maybe it was fear of losing her the way my father lost my mother. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to give her what she needs. Whatever the reason, in the middle of an argument about another surgery on an AIDS patient, I blurted it out and what did I get for my declaration – a lecture. Robin defenses went up because she was scared. I knew that, but that didn’t make her comment about love never being a part of our relationship hurt any less.

So what did I do, I did what I do best. I pursued her. I showed up at her place with flowers and a radio and told her all the reasons I love her and need her. She finally admitted to her fear and told me that . . . she loved me, too. I mean, I knew that. How could she not? But, it was good to hear. Everyone wants to hear the words.

October 27 – Miracles Do Happen

2006-10-28T06:39:00.000-05:00

With everything I know about medicine, I saw no reason that LS49 would work on Laura Spencer. But, it did. Robin was right and I usually hate it when she’s right, but this time I can’t. Today as a result of her persistence and brilliance, I got to see a real life miracle. Laura Spencer was reunited with Luke and her children, and she’s perfect, other than not remembering the last four years or what put her in her catatonic state. Protecting her mental health may be a challenge, but for now the family has her back and hopefully, that won’t change.

October 23 – Facing Prejudice

2006-10-24T09:55:00.000-05:00

Today, I experienced, first hand, blatant prejudice against someone with HIV. I knew it existed, but today I got a chance to see what Robin faces. Robin jumped to my defense as a patient decided that he didn’t want me to do his surgery because of my HIV exposure. He took his chances with another doctor and he died on the table. What a useless waste of a life . . . all because he couldn’t see past his own fear of HIV and AIDS.

I see now why Robin decided not to be a surgeon. She says it’s because she didn’t want her patients to have to choose between getting the proper care and their fear of her HIV. I was quick to judge her when we first met and I can only attribute it to ignorance. Robin knows first hand what it is to live with HIV. She coached me on what I need to do to make sure that my patients get the care they need. In the process, she gave me more compliments than she ever has. I know that she’s worried about me, and I like that. In fact, I like it a lot. How’d I get so fortunate?

October 20 – Getting Flak

2006-10-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

I can’t believe my father and Robin are giving me a hard time for operating on AIDS/HIV+ patients. You’d think both of them would be thanking me for doing the right thing. After all, it is my job. I’m a doctor and that’s what I do. I save lives, whether they have AIDS or not. We don’t discriminate against patients.

You’d think I was jumping off rooftops in hopes I’d bounce with all the fuss they’re making. Yes, I thrive off a challenge, but I don’t have a death wish and I’m not taking unnecessary risks. We take proper precautions in the OR every time we step through those doors and I’m always careful. I’m not a danger junkie. I’m just confident in my abilities and I’m still the best surgeon in this hospital. They both need to remember that.

October 18 – Glad to be Home

2006-10-19T13:55:00.000-05:00

It was great to be back in Port Charles and at General Hospital. I had no idea I would miss the small town life so much. I was especially glad to see Dr. Scorpio . . . and from the reception I got when I surprised her at the hospital, she was glad to see me. But then again, how could she not be? I am Patrick Drake. Soon after I got back and said, “Hello” to Robin, Epiphany made a big deal of scolding us for not taking “it” to a supply closet. She could have just admitted that she missed me. I mean it was obvious.

Robert and I may be more alike than I’d like to acknowledge. He and I got Robin the exact same bracelet for her birthday. How is that possible? I’m nothing like her dad. Well, he is relatively cool and he is pretty confident, but that’s where the similarities end.

Apparently, my reputation has preceded me and word has gotten around that I’m a surgeon who’s sympathetic to AIDS/HIV patients. I treated a migraine today . . . A MIGRAINE. I’m a neurosurgeon and I really don’t have time for that, but the guy was HIV+ and he just needed someone who wasn’t afraid of him. I understand that better now and I want to make sure no one is turned away from getting the help they need.

October 17 – Heading Home

2006-10-17T15:56:00.000-05:00

It’s been almost two weeks and I had no idea I would miss Robin as much as I have. I came here to check out Dr. Legrasse’s work and to see if there was a real chance for his treatment to help Laura Spencer. I’m still not convinced. Robin is adamant that this treatment will work and I just wish she’d decided to come to help convince me, if for no other reason that I wouldn’t have been sleeping alone and that I’d know she was safe.

Paris is beautiful right now. The art work is amazing and I can only imagine how Robin’s face would light up looking at it. I can’t wait to get home to see her face. Who would have ever imagined I’d be looking forward to getting home to one woman? Not me. I hope she liked her birthday present. Maybe, I’ll surprise her when I get home and we can celebrate. That’s a thought.

October 6 – Robin’s Stubbornness

2006-10-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

Robin will be the death of us all, if it’s left up to her. How stubborn can she be? Lorenzo Alcazar has threatened her twice – the second time with a couple of thugs, and she isn’t going to tell her super-hero, spy of a father. Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna go for that, especially after she turns down an invitation to accompany me to Paris. Can you imagine? She turned me down. I know she’s a professional, but she could be in serious danger and all she can spout to me is that she won’t be intimidated. We’ll just have to see what kind of protection she gets.

I went back to hospital and ran into Liz, whose life is in a shambles. I tried to be a sympathetic ear for her. Don’t know how much I helped, if at all. Later I saw Lucky and he’s a shambles, too. I really hope they can work through their problems.

“The Prince” was brought in today with a knee injury from falling off a horse. Luckily, it was just a torn ligament and he should be fine. Unluckily, Robin promised to check in on him while I’m gone. I’m still here and she’s already making plans to take care of other men. She just better not forget what she’s got. Just as I was about to remind her, her father showed up.

Robin got upset with me for calling her dad. She got upset with her dad for thinking she can’t take care of herself. Bickering ensued. Robin is too stubborn to even consider that Robert and I only want to keep her safe. If she’s expecting an apology, she’s gonna be short. Ha, no pun intended. I just don’t want anything to happen to her. I don’t want to lose her.

I’m already being to regret leaving for two weeks, but according to Robin, Laura Spencer’s family needs her and I don’t want to stand in the way of her getting help. So, I’m off to Paris and the only thing Robin asked me to bring back is . . . me. She’ll definitely get that, but I’ll have to see if I can find a little something extra. She deserves it, no matter how stubborn she is.

October 4 – Back to Normal

2006-10-04T21:47:00.000-05:00

After my outing to Al Anon, I was confined to bed by Robin so that I could fully recuperate. I like her playing nurse maid. She’s a pretty good doctor, too. Hah, she’d kill me if I said that aloud. Earlier, Robin left me at home and I felt better so I went to work. Why not? I’m not contagious and I don’t have a fever. Little did I know that Robin would try to pull rank. She checked the on-call room for me to take a “nap.” A nap? Me? Patrick Drake taking a nap? I don’t do naps and Robin has got to quite coddling me. I did enjoy the back rub though. She has amazing hands.

She’s also a hard act to follow. I’m fine and I need people to know that. Just because I’ve had this HIV scare doesn’t mean that I’m any different than before, I’m as healthy as a horse, but Robin worries. I have to admit I like it when she’s all soft and caring. In fact, I was about to show her how much when Lorenzo Alcazar showed up at the hospital to threaten Robin because of something to do with her father. As if Robert hasn’t caused Robin enough pain over the years, now he’s pissed off an international arms dealer who believes in “an eye for an eye”. I don’t like it and I was about to tell Mr. Alcazar so when Robin cut me off. She stood up to Alcazar, but I could tell she was concerned. She told me she was glad I was there and so was I.

Later, as if threats and coddling weren’t enough, Luke called me to get a second opinion on Dr. Legrasse’s treatment for Laura. Robin got wind of it and cut off the conversation. I don’t why she can’t just look at the facts. It’s likely that Laura will get worse, not better. Robin has got to know that the odds aren’t good. I know that Robin’s a miracle, but in my professional opinion Laura Spencer won’t be. The fact that Robin is so adamant about this treatment for Laura says she’s way too attached to this case. It’s personal and that’s never good. I just don’t want her hurt, so we argued as we always do about patient care. She called Luke to “undo the damage I’d done” and then I don’t know what happened. One minute we’re arguing, the next we’re making plans to go out for Chinese. I’m not sure what it means.

October 2 – Supporting a Friend

2006-10-02T22:15:00.000-05:00

Today was like a walk down memory lane. I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with Liz. It was her first. As sad as it is, it helps to realize that you’re not by yourself in things like this. There are plenty of people out there with addictions and it gives you some freedom to know that. It also gives you perspective about addiction itself and how it affects everything the addict touches.

After the way Robin has been here for me, I’m glad to be able to support someone else. It's a welcome distraction from everything that’s going on in my life. I just hope this will help Liz understand Lucky better and how his addiction affects their lives.

September 29 – Tender Loving Care

2006-09-29T21:10:00.000-05:00

Who would have thought my being sick would have turned into me getting to stay in an apartment full of half-naked women? Well, not all of them were half naked, but enough. And then, they all wanted to take care of me. Robin took care of that, by sending Kelly and Lainey to work. She was jealous. I love that. She wanted me all to herself. I wasn’t completely sure I’d like her living with them, but I can’t really complain right now. If I had known I’d get all this care and pampering, I would have moved into Casa de Cute Girls weeks ago.

This is the first time in a long time that I’ve let a woman take care of me. The last time was when I was 11 and had the mumps. My mom was great. Robin reminds me a lot of her. She has no idea how incredible she is. Like mom, Robin’s beautiful and let’s me tease her. She doesn’t let me get away with anything. She’s strong and takes care of the people she cares about. It felt good to share a memory of mom with Robin. She still doesn’t take compliments well, but I’ll keep working on that.

It was a good moment – Robin and I just enjoying being with each other and then it happened. The phone rang. All I could think was that my life as about to change forever and I couldn’t let Robin answer. I wasn’t ready to give up that moment with Robin. I was a coward and I hate that. But, I wasn’t ready to face what could be the biggest change of my life, so Robin and I laid there on the couch for a while and then I took a shower and got dressed.

Finally, I made the call and got the best news ever – I’m still HIV negative. What a relief? There’s another test in six months, but Robin says we take each one as it comes. So, since I’m not longer contagious, we celebrated. Boy, does Dr. Scorpio know how to celebrate.

September 28 – Fantastic

2006-09-29T00:52:00.000-05:00

Strep Throat! I’ve been running from strep throat for the past few days. How humiliating. I’ve been achy and tired and I was sure that if I just didn’t deal with it, it would go away. I wouldn't have HIV. Robin told me when this first started that I would go through denial and deal with fear. I don’t know how well I’m doing with that. I’m a doctor and I was going to just ignore my symptoms, because they could mean I was HIV+. One minute, I think I have a handle on dealing with the possibility of HIV and the next; I’m hit by something that sends me running and hiding my head in the sand. I hate this. I hate the uncertainty. I hate the fact that I don’t feel strong enough to handle this. But, I have Robin.

I can’t imagine what I did to deserve Robin, or even if I do, but I’m so glad she’s here. It’s been a long time since I’ve depended on anyone else or let anyone get close. I don’t think I could get through this without her. She helps me put this thing – HIV – in perspective. Then, it’s almost like she anticipates what I need and is right there to give it to me. She’s giving me a little TLC and she almost wouldn’t let me get on the internet tonight, at least until I convinced her I wasn’t doing any research on HIV. She is definitely amazing and pretty fantastic, too.

September 25 – Holding on to Hope

2006-09-26T15:11:00.000-05:00

Alexis’ lung collapsed and if we didn’t put in a chest tube, she would have suffocated. Epiphany, great nurse that she is, let us know that the previous waiver related to my HIV exposure would cover this procedure, as well.

Sometimes, I almost forget that HIV is an issue and then something like that comes up and reminds me that I still have quite a while before I know whether or not I’m HIV+. I try to ignore that, but it creeps up on me at when I least expect it. Well, enough of that.

Anyway, Nikolas authorized us to do the procedure and Alexis pulled through. This is a definitely a good sign, but she has a long way to go. She’s still in a coma and she has a fight on her hands.

September 19 – False Hope

2006-09-19T17:08:00.000-05:00

I knew we wouldn’t be able to agree about medical treatment for long. Robin pulled me into a case, where I can do nothing but disagree. Laura Spencer shut down years ago due to the stress around killing her father. I’ve done the diagnostic tests and I believe that Robin is raising false hope for Luke. Laura is totally unresponsive and while I know Robin is brilliant, she’s wrong. This drug therapy could cause more problems than it solves.

September 11 – A Nation Remembers

2006-09-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have been busy – scattering April’s ashes, Alexis’ surgery and the anniversary of 9/11. All of these events brought with them life reflection. The anniversary of 9/11 brought with it more than just a touch of sorrow. How could it not? Five years ago, thousands of lives were lost. Remembering that tremendous loss, regardless of the cause, helps to put life in perspective somehow. Robin says the best way to honor the memories of those lost is to live life to the fullest, as they can not. I have to agree with her there.

September 5 – Living with Fear

2006-09-05T17:35:00.000-05:00

Alexis’ surgery was text book. She made it through the surgery well. Now, the hard part begins – her treatment and recovery. I told her she’d make it through the surgery and I kept my word. As soon as it was over, Robin bolted.

I found her on the docks. Apparently, her maternal clock started ticking when Alexis talked about loving her daughters. I can see that. Robin is definitely a care giver. The way she’s been there for me since my AIDS exposure is a testament to that. I think any kid would be lucky to have her as a mother. She’d not only love the kid to distraction, but she’d also teach the child to be resilient. The way she lives her life is nothing short of amazing. In spite of the fear she has, she pushes herself to go on.

I admire that. Especially since I’ve been running since my mom died – running from the fear of falling apart like my father or being that lost kid I was then. I never thought I’d admit that out loud. I can’t go back there. It was too painful the first time around and the risk is too great. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t learned that time is precious and we should live every moment to the fullest. That said, if Robin wants a baby, she should have one. Yes, there are risks, but other women with the same risk factors do it. She can too.

September 1 – Being Accepted

2006-09-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

My whole career I’ve strived to be the best surgeon possible. Who knew that wouldn’t be enough for some people. Since I was exposed to end-stage AIDS, some patients have decided that my life-saving skills aren’t worth them taking the miniscule risk of contracting HIV. That’s a hard pill to take. I am still dealing with the idea that I could infect someone else, even though I’ve tested negative for the virus. It is times like this that I understand why Robin chose not to become a surgeon. But, my surgical skills are never in question. I’m still the best surgeon General Hospital has on staff. I’m glad Alexis realizes that. Like I told her and Sam, she won’t die on the table. Some people might call me arrogant for saying that, but I only speak the truth. I’ll do whatever I have to do to save my patient. That’s just who I am.

August 30 – Blaming Yourself

2006-08-31T00:21:00.000-05:00

Earlier tonight I saw Liz at the hospital and I do not envy her. I’ve been where she is. I totally blamed myself for my dad’s drinking. I thought if only I can be the best student, the best doctor, whatever it took to make my dad stop drinking and be there for me. I guess in that respect I’m a lot like Robin. She worked really hard to get good grades and to be a good girl so that her parents would come home safe and I did the same thing. Neither of us realized at the time that only our parents could make the choices to be there for us. There was really nothing we could do.

Thanks to an attending physician I went to AA and got some insight into why my dad chose to drink and why I felt the need to try and control him by being the best. AA helped me put my actions in perspective and saved my life. At the rate I was going, I would have worked myself into an early grave. Now, thanks to Robin, Dad and I are better than we’ve been in a long time. I hope Liz and Lucky make it through this stronger. I know she loves him and that she blames herself, but only Lucky can fix this.

August 26 – Nothing is Guaranteed

2006-08-26T16:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Robin was still avoiding me. The lab had become her refuge from live patients. I know April’s loss is hard on her; it’s hard on me, too. But, I know April would never want Robin to give up. She tells me she’s been dealing in her own way, but she’s been hiding from everything and everyone that makes her feel alive. We got into another disagreement about that before I saw a patient of my dad’s – Alexis Davis, a prime example of nothing in life being guaranteed.

Earlier in the year, Alexis could have died during the encephalitis outbreak, but instead she got the only available dose of the antidote when I would have given it to Robin. Yes, we got enough of the antidote just in the nick of time to save Robin and everyone else in the hospital, but we were worried. Now, Robin is as healthy as anyone with HIV can be, and Alexis may be dying of lung cancer. That is how uncertain life can be and there’s nothing we can do about it, except celebrating every moment we have. Robin taught me that and no matter what she says, she has to believe that in that place deep down inside herself. She couldn’t have been putting spin on everything just for the rest of us. Robin had to believe to have such strong convictions when anyone disputed her. She just had to remember it. And maybe she has.

When I went to scrub in for my surgery yesterday afternoon, Dr. Scorpio showed up to scrub in as well. She must be feeling better, because she was all ready to tell me what I’d missed in my original assessment and start giving me orders like usual. I know she won’t just automatically get over losing April, but I’ll take what I can get. I must admit I’ve missed her in the OR. It’s good to have her back.

August 24 – In Hiding

2006-08-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

I know Robin is devastated that we lost April, but she’s taking this much harder than I thought she would. I’ve tried getting her back in the OR with me and she’s having none of it. She’s been hold up in that lab and she’s not giving anyone the time of day. I don’t know how to get to her, but I’ll just keep trying. She can’t continue like this. None of us can.

August 23 – Not Alone

2006-08-23T19:13:00.000-05:00

What a difference a few hours can make. One minute, Robin is showing me how much she trusts me with her; and the next, we’re getting paged that April died. How can I be experiencing such pleasure and contentment with Robin at the same time April is dying? There’s just something wrong with that. I know she had full blown AIDS, but we’d just seen hours before and she seemed fine. What I can be glad about is the fact that we gave April two weeks she never would have had without us. And as difficult as being exposed to AIDS has been for me, it was worth it to give her those two weeks. For two weeks, April wasn’t alone.

What I’m really worried about right now is Robin? She’s taking April’s death so hard and I don’t know what I can do for her other than just be there. I’ve never seen her like this before – so defeated and crushed. That is not my Robin. I think for a moment last night I got to her and maybe she sees that April’s fate doesn’t have to be hers. Whatever the case, I wasn’t leaving her alone no matter how much she wanted to wallow. Robin has to learn that she doesn’t have to be strong all the time, she can lean on me. Last night I just held her in my arms and relished the moment. I left her with her mother earlier and hopefully Robin will feel better, gain some perspective. None of us are letting her go without a fight. None of us know what our future holds. We have to make the most of the time we have. I intend to do that with Robin.

August 21 – Absolutely Amazing

2006-08-21T23:40:00.000-05:00

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – Robin is amazing. April is about to be released from the hospital and Robin offers up her apartment as a place for April to stay. In spite of the pain she carries, Robin continues to put others ahead of herself. I know she’s been putting off her move because she’s going to miss her privacy . . . so will I. But, here she is giving up the space for April. That’s exactly the kind of selfless thing I’ve come to expect from her.

Speaking of April, she must be feeling better, because she’s calling me and Robin on our feelings and talking about how stubborn we are. April is nothing if not direct. While she’s recuperating, we’ll have to stir her away from my and Robin’s relationship and onto some things to enhance whatever time she has left. The last thing I want is for her to have any more regrets.

Now, I’ve been recruited to take Robin home to help get her apartment ready for April. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I’m sure she’ll tell me. I haven’t gotten one of her lectures lately and I’m probably due. She’s been so supportive and I don’t know if I could have gotten through this without her.

Since I know Stone’s birthday is close, I’m keeping an eye on her. I want to be there for her just like she’s been here for me. She’s strong and independent, but she’s not invincible no matter what she wants everyone to think. She knows that and so do I.

August 17 – Like Mother, Like Daughter

2006-08-17T17:19:00.000-05:00

Every conversation I have had in the last few days has found its way to the topic of Dr. Robin Scorpio.

I stopped by Sonny’s to thank him for his help with April and I was surprised. For a mobster, he appears to be a pretty decent guy. It didn’t take more than ten minutes before our conversation turned to Robin and Stone. It appears that Sonny was close to both of them and he gave me a little more insight into Robin and the pain she carries. He also informed me that Stone’s birthday is coming up. I’ll have to keep my eye on Robin, because I know my incident and April and the whole HIV/AIDS thing is hard on her right now. I can’t imagine how much harder Stone’s birthday will be.

As if my convo with Sonny wasn’t enough, I was summoned to meet the infamous Anna Devane at Kelly’s. I figured it had to be about Robin. After all Ms. Devane . . . Anna didn’t have any other reason to want to talk to me. I’ve heard so much about her from Robin that I looked forward to officially meeting her. She actually called me charming. She also made mention of what she probably considers some negative traits that I think Robin might agree that I share with Robert Scorpio. I don’t get why the women can’t see that we’re not arrogant, we’re confident. As for being self-centered and narcissistic, I am a little selfish, but I think I’m doing okay and I’m not a womanizer . . . at the moment.

Having seen Anna before, I knew where Robin got her beauty. After that Maarkham Islands fiasco, I thought Robin got her intelligence, straightforwardness and flair for adventure from her father. But now after actually talking to Anna Devane, I see that Robin shares many of her traits. In fact, except for the spy thing and the accent, Robin is her mother. I like that.

August 16 – Changing Priorities

2006-08-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

I went back to Robin’s and apologized for walking out on her. I also explained why I walked out. In the past, I would have been all about myself. I would have taken what was offered and not given it a second thought. But, I couldn’t do that with Robin. If I test positive for HIV and I have a different strain, I could severely compromise her health. I couldn’t take a risk like that, even if she’s willing to. She been so supportive and understanding that I couldn’t let her think that I didn’t want to be with her. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. I’m trying to protect her. Well, my apology led to us talking about perspectives and Stone and life. I understand her better so much better now that I’m dealing with this situation.

I know I’m changing. Robin is hopefully the only one to catch on to that. I actually suggested that we share the wonderful dinner Robin cooked with April at the hospital. We had a great time. I really think April enjoyed the company and it was good spending some time with her. It was all good until I cut myself on a knife and was reminded how much of a danger I could be to Robin. We talked more and came to some realizations about changes to perspective when adversity comes. Priorities are definitely shifted. You start to take pleasure in the little things. Our talk led us in search of chocolate, since Robin forgot dessert with dinner.

Robin put her lock picking skills to use to get us into Kelly’s where we found chocolate cake and champagne. She pretended to feel guilty, but I think she got a kick out of the bit of breaking and entering. The chocolate cake wasn’t bad either. Someone had a radio that worked during the blackout and I even got a dance, that wasn’t interrupted by gunfire. After walking Robin back to her apartment, she almost had me convinced that I wouldn’t hurt her and that it was okay to get close to her, but that was broken up by a call from Epiphany about Ms. Sneed trying to throw April out of the hospital. That woman needs to find something better to do than harass my patients.

I went back to the hospital and found Ms. Sneed going at it with April. I happily put her out of April’s room and the two of us had a talk . . . that ultimately turned to Robin, much like most of my conversations of late. April said out of the blue that Robin is in love with me. She added that I’m in love with Robin. I’m not. What I feel for her can’t be love. Right? I’m not in love with anyone and I don’t do long term.

April did, however, help me gain some perspective about what I do feel for Robin. I care more for her than I’ve ever cared for any woman. How is that possible? If I were to ever fall in love with anyone, I can see it being Robin. Looking at April, I can also see that even though I’m a doctor I could easily be devastated by what could happen to Robin. I wouldn’t let her go through it alone, but it would be exceptionally hard to watch.

April encouraged me to tell Robin how I feel, because there are no guarantees. I did. I must have looked like an idiot. I went to Robin’s door and told her that I care about her and then I left. I just left. When did smooth, charming, confident Patrick Drake start sharing his feelings? I’m not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad one yet. I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.

August 9 – Stepping Back

2006-08-09T21:44:00.000-05:00

Liz and Maxie almost got into a cat fight today because Maxie is sleeping with Lucky. How could he cheat on his wife when she loves him so much? Liz says that Maxie had to manipulate Lucky for him to cheat. Maybe she’s right, but I’m sure the drug addiction isn’t helping. If he’s as much a man’s man as she believes, the back injury and everything with his work has to be a heavy blow, but that’s no excuse. Whatever Liz decides, I’ll help her as much as I can. She’s been a good friend to me and I want to return the favor.

Before all the Liz and Maxie drama, Robin found me in the locker room and invited me to dinner. I tried to get out of it, but she wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. She looked so adorable with that expectant look on her face that I couldn’t turn her down. She admitted that she wants me, even now. I know she’s just being supportive, but I’m not doing real well with that right now. I’m tired of people walking on egg shells around me and trying to make me feel better. I know I’m pushing people away, but I’m dealing with this the best I can or at least I thought I was.

I ran into Gwen from Mercy and told her about my incident in the OR. She couldn’t get away from me fast enough. What does that say when an educated medical professional runs the other way? Maybe she’s just smarter than the rest of us. I’m still on PEP protocol and I don’t know how I’ll test in 6 months. What could that mean for me and Robin?

I got to her house and she’d made dinner. We talked about her upcoming move and then she made a move. I couldn’t reciprocate. Robin wants me to know that the HIV scare doesn’t make me a different person, but I feel different. Maybe I am in a place where I expect rejection like Liz says. I don’t know, but I do know I don’t plan on sleeping with Robin until I have some answers. I can’t take a chance with her.

August 8 – Keeping My Guard Up

2006-08-08T16:50:00.000-05:00

Today, I went to Kelly’s for a burger and ended up attending a birthday party for Lulu Spencer. I was gonna leave, but Liz saw me and invited me to join the party. I had no intention of doing that since the only people I really knew were Liz and Bobbie, but Liz called me on the fact that I haven’t been outgoing lately.

I guess I just understand better now why Robin holds back so much with people. You never know when you’ll run into someone who is ignorant or prejudiced so you kinda keep your guard up just in case. I accused her of hiding behind her HIV, but I see that she’s just been protecting herself from unnecessary hurt. Who can blame her?

August 3 - Worried about Robin

2006-08-03T17:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, I almost feel as if I’m in the Twilight Zone. First, Dad is prouder of me than he’s ever been. Then, Robert Scorpio is talking about any family being happy to have me as part of it. Who would have thought all I had to do to get some respect from these two men was get stuck by an AIDS contaminated needle and do my job?

On a more serious note, I’m getting really worried about Robin; so worried that I hunted down her parents at the MetroCourt. She told my dad about the accident, it’s only fair that I get to tell hers. Robin’s holding it together too well. She’s being strong for everyone . . . me, April, Alan, everyone. She wants me to see that I won’t be any less should be contract HIV, but I what I really see is how strong she is. She was great with April, encouraging her and letting her in. If she keeps this up, she’s going to crack. I couldn’t let that happen without doing something. Hopefully, her mom and dad, even though he came to the hospital to see me, can give her the support they weren’t able to before, because we all need Robin to be okay.

August 2 – The Results Are In

2006-08-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

I never thought I’d see the day I couldn’t tempt a woman into flirting with me or arguing with me. Today is that day. I mean I’m brilliant; I’m good-looking; I’m one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, but . . . I’ve been exposed to HIV. That trumps all my great qualities and accomplishments. I guess the General Hospital rumor mill is much more efficient than I gave it credit for.

Dad caught the tail end of the attempt at flirting and gave me an earful on flirting with other women in front of Robin. He compared me to himself, as if, he could compare when it comes to women. Anyway, Robin tried to stop him, but he accused her of defending me and wouldn’t hear any of it. After I left, Robin filled him in on what happened in the OR and later he and I talked. He even gave me a recipe for a cocktail to help with the nausea from the P.E.P protocol. I have a new respect for Robin, this nausea is . . . bad. Dad’s cocktail actually worked, I might even share it with Robin. Maybe all those years Dad was drinking are finally coming in handy. Good thing he got that liver transplant earlier or we’d both be in a fix, he’d be dead and I’d probably just wish that I was.

I checked in on April and her attitude matches what Robin says about my bedside manner. They both must be lousy. However, Robin struck again. She told April what happened in the OR and must have left some kind of impression. When I went back to check on April, she was empathetic. She felt the need to tell me how she was infected and maybe it made her feel better. I hope so. She got caught up in a very unfortunate situation, trying to save someone who might not have wanted to be saved. We’re going to do everything in our power to help her, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough. At this point, it’ll be about keeping her as comfortable as possible and trying to protect her from any opportunistic diseases.

By the way, I got back my first test results back and they were negative. I’m relieved, but this is just the first hurdle. Now the real wait begins. Six months until I know whether I’ve contracted HIV, Hep B or C. I have a feeling these will be the longest of my life.

July 31 - Distraction

2006-07-31T19:31:00.000-05:00

Robin has been checking on me on the regular. I know she’s worried, but there’s nothing anyone can do, but wait or focus on something else. That’s exactly what I planned when Liz called me to meet her at the hospital. I was looking for anything to distract me from thinking about my test results and how my life might change in just days, but I wasn’t looking for this.

Sometimes I hate being right. As much as I believed that Lucky might be getting addicted to pain meds, I’d hoped that Liz was right. She wasn’t. Today, Liz confirmed my suspicions. I hate to see Liz going through this. She loves Lucky so much. Hopefully whatever Lucky was doing with Maxie is over and Liz won’t have to deal with that, too.

July 28 - Gaining Some Perspective

2006-07-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

I never thought I’d be able to understand why Robin was always so conscious of the HIV or why she always makes it such a big deal. Now I think I do. Even though I haven’t gotten any test results, I know I could be part of that less than 1% that gets the virus and the thought of passing it to anyone is unthinkable. I can understand why Robin chose not to be a surgeon.

Robin has got to be one the strongest people I know, if not the strongest. Today, she relived her experience to give me some idea of what I have to look forward to for the next six months. She told me about the reaction to the anti-retrovirals and the emotions I’ll go through. I still don’t know what to feel. Robin says I’m in shock. I guess that’s what it is.

I don’t even really know if I have a right to feel this way. I mean Robin has lived with the virus for 10 years and she’s like a rock. Robin didn’t have the same options I do. She was just a kid. I don’t even know if I have it and I’m barely holding it together. I’m using everything I can as a distraction from this, even Liz and her issues with Lucky. The one thing I do know is that I have Robin . . . she’ll be there for me no matter what.

July 27 - What do I do now?

2006-07-27T21:59:00.000-05:00

Just hours ago I was pumped up to save a life. It’s amazing how fast your can crash and burn. I, one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, nicked myself during surgery on an AIDS patient. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it. On one hand, I saved the life of a patient that otherwise would have died. On the other, I put mine in jeopardy. When it happened I didn’t have time to think about it, I just did what I do best – I took care of my patient with no regard to anything else. That’s what I do or . . . did.

Six months. I’ve got six months to wait to know just how much my life will change. How am I supposed to wait? How do I get through that? Robin tells me I’m not alone, but that’s sure how it feels. I guess I’ll have to lay off Robin now. I can’t imagine going through this 10 years ago and as a kid . . . to not know the odds or the stats. Robin called me brave, but I don't feel brave right now. I'm terrified.

July 26 - Saving Lives

2006-07-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

What started out as a pretty normal day for me and Robin – arguing over patient care (surgery vs. meds) and her hiding behind her HIV, ended up being pretty eventful. Right now, I’m off to scrub in for surgery of an AIDS patient who came in a little earlier with acute head trauma. For a while it looked like there would be a problem providing this woman critical care. Ms. Sneed, the Administrative Pit Bull, was in our faces about the fact that the patient doesn’t have insurance and made some out of place comment about the patient’s lifestyle choices. Who is she or anyone else to judge the woman’s life while knowing nothing about her, except that she has an illness? That’s the problem with small-minded people.

Robin made me realize that a lot of people are still small-minded, ignorant and scared when it comes to HIV and AIDS. She even had me convinced that we might have a problem staffing the OR for the surgery. I was fully prepared to do it with just Robin and Epiphany, if no one showed, because we are about saving lives. It’s nice to know that Robin and I can both be wrong sometimes, especially about people. We had more than enough staff to choose from and it just reinforces my opinion that I’m in the right place. Robin even gave me a compliment. Things may just be looking up.

July 24 - What are we doing?

2006-07-24T16:56:00.000-05:00

Carly came by the hospital in need of a distraction from Sonny and I thought it would be a great idea to use her to take my mind off Robin. Little did I know that showing up at the MetroCourt with Carly would lead to an all night discussion of Robin Scorpio. It wasn’t that I was trying to make Robin jealous, but I wanted to make it clear that we could both date or sleep with whoever we want.

What I wasn’t expecting was for her to kiss the prince in the middle of the restaurant. Carly said Nikolas wouldn’t kiss Robin unless Robin asked him, but I don’t buy that. Nikolas is close to Robin and while I don’t put it past her to throw Nikolas in my face, I don’t think she’d ask him to kiss her for my benefit. Whatever the case, I don’t like the way seeing her kiss him made me feel. All it did was lead to me spilling my guts to Carly about my and Robin’s relationship. It also made me acknowledge that our relationship is more than just sex, always has been.

The more Carly talks, the more I see she really doesn’t know Robin, but she did hit one nail on the head. Robin wants a long-term relationship no matter what she says and I know I can’t give her that. I don’t know why I can’t just let Robin go. I know we have no future, but part of me was sitting there in Jake’s wishing that she’d show up and throw a fit. If Jason hadn’t walked into Jake’s, I was planning to use Carly to move past Robin, even though I knew sleeping with Carly could mean losing Robin for good. But apparently Jason takes precedence over everything else in Carly’s world, even Jax and she went to him.

When I got back to hospital, I accused Robin of sending Jason to break me and Carly up hoping that she had. She denied it and I could tell she was telling the truth. She didn’t send Jason and she wasn’t going to look for us. Robin wasn’t even worried about me sleeping with Carly and I’m not sure whether I should be offended or not. She never once considered that I wouldn’t sleep with Carly, but believed that Carly wouldn’t sleep with me because I’d slept with an HIV+ woman – Robin. She accused Carly of being ignorant and prejudiced and maybe she is even though I’ve never seen evidence of that. Before I could even comment, Robin walked away. Just this morning everything was right with the world and now, I don’t know where we are.

July 21 - I don't do jealous!

2006-07-21T21:57:00.000-05:00

Robin and I agreed to take things as they come yesterday, but I don’t think that included her getting flowers from other men. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let her think it bothered me so I decided to give Elizabeth flowers. What could it hurt? Nothing, except that Lucky came into the hospital at that exact moment and everything fell apart. Then Robin went on to tell me that she understood that I wanted to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t committed, right before telling me that she was having dinner with the prince.

I’m not jealous, but I wonder what’s really going on with Nikolas. He sends Robin flowers at the hospital and then takes her to dinner. That doesn’t sound like just friends. Emily confirmed for me that Robin and Nikolas are close, but how close? This is the reason I’ve avoided emotional bonds – this confusion and irritation. I actually asked Emily about Nikolas and Robin’s relationship and she suggested that I was bothered. I’m not bothered, just curious.

What I need is a distraction, something to take my mind off the infuriating Dr. Scorpio. After all we have no commitments, we’re both free. We can see whoever we want. So why am I irritated?

July 20 - "No Strings" Again

2006-07-20T22:23:00.000-05:00

Who would’ve thought that a simple lunch at the MetroCourt would lead Robin and I back together? Not together, together, but back to some semblance of a “no strings” relationship and some amazing sex. We decided to take each day as it comes with out any expectations. Hopefully, we’re a little bit wiser and we won’t let our involvement in other people’s stuff get in our way.

I didn’t realize how much I missed Robin until I listened to her go on about why our lunch was a waste of time. She overanalyzes everything. I still miss her and here I can admit that I miss more than the sex. The constant fighting and ignoring each other was taking its toll on everyone. While I miss her, I can’t get emotionally involved with her and I don’t want her hurt because of me. She says she only wants to make whatever this is we have work and I think I can do that, but I can’t give her more. I watched my father fall apart when my mother died and I can’t let that happen to me. My father has been miserable and I can’t imagine how the love he had for my mother was worth the pain he’s been in since she’s been gone. Even if dad does think it’s better to be loved by an amazing woman, I won’t go through that.