September 28 – Fantastic

Strep Throat! I’ve been running from strep throat for the past few days. How humiliating. I’ve been achy and tired and I was sure that if I just didn’t deal with it, it would go away. I wouldn't have HIV. Robin told me when this first started that I would go through denial and deal with fear. I don’t know how well I’m doing with that. I’m a doctor and I was going to just ignore my symptoms, because they could mean I was HIV+. One minute, I think I have a handle on dealing with the possibility of HIV and the next; I’m hit by something that sends me running and hiding my head in the sand. I hate this. I hate the uncertainty. I hate the fact that I don’t feel strong enough to handle this. But, I have Robin.

I can’t imagine what I did to deserve Robin, or even if I do, but I’m so glad she’s here. It’s been a long time since I’ve depended on anyone else or let anyone get close. I don’t think I could get through this without her. She helps me put this thing – HIV – in perspective. Then, it’s almost like she anticipates what I need and is right there to give it to me. She’s giving me a little TLC and she almost wouldn’t let me get on the internet tonight, at least until I convinced her I wasn’t doing any research on HIV. She is definitely amazing and pretty fantastic, too.