August 23 – Not Alone

What a difference a few hours can make. One minute, Robin is showing me how much she trusts me with her; and the next, we’re getting paged that April died. How can I be experiencing such pleasure and contentment with Robin at the same time April is dying? There’s just something wrong with that. I know she had full blown AIDS, but we’d just seen hours before and she seemed fine. What I can be glad about is the fact that we gave April two weeks she never would have had without us. And as difficult as being exposed to AIDS has been for me, it was worth it to give her those two weeks. For two weeks, April wasn’t alone.

What I’m really worried about right now is Robin? She’s taking April’s death so hard and I don’t know what I can do for her other than just be there. I’ve never seen her like this before – so defeated and crushed. That is not my Robin. I think for a moment last night I got to her and maybe she sees that April’s fate doesn’t have to be hers. Whatever the case, I wasn’t leaving her alone no matter how much she wanted to wallow. Robin has to learn that she doesn’t have to be strong all the time, she can lean on me. Last night I just held her in my arms and relished the moment. I left her with her mother earlier and hopefully Robin will feel better, gain some perspective. None of us are letting her go without a fight. None of us know what our future holds. We have to make the most of the time we have. I intend to do that with Robin.