January 2 – Insecurity

I thought Robin might be disappointed that we didn’t do anything special for New Year’s, but she was content to spend the night with me – just the two of us. But then, the conversation turned to me decorating my apartment or rather Robin decorating my apartment. It got a little tense when I resisted her recommendations and she was there freaking out and going on the defense which happens to be her reflex when she feels threatened. I stopped her from leaving and reminded her of her New Year’s resolution – to be honest with me. She finally took a breath and told me what was wrong.

I couldn’t believe that she thought that she could just be a blip on my radar because I was stuck by a needle. She changed my life. I love her and that isn’t going to change. I can’t imagine my life without her being part of it. At the same time, I’m not nearly ready to let her make decisions for me or to live with her. I’m not even sure if she realizes that she’s pushing for that. But that’s definitely the impression I got. All I know is that all the talk about dressers and sofas and art work is freaking me out a little. How do I tell her that without hurting her or making her feel threatened again?