March 27 – What the H#LL?

I’m extremely confused. Robin decided to move in with Mac after being released from the hospital, but I always thought when she recovered that she’d be moving back in with me. But, she doesn’t want to do that right now. She thinks we moved in together for the wrong reasons the first time. I could buy that, if she was getting her own place and we were moving toward her moving back in. That’s not the case.

Now, she’s about to move into Wyndemere . . . with Nicolas, where she “doesn’t have to pay rent and has servants.” Give me a break. When has any of that been important to her? Something’s wrong and she’s not talking to me. I don’t know how to help her if she won’t talk to me. I love her and I know she loves me. Whatever it is that’s scaring her is something major. And I need her to trust me with it. Maybe Mac will be able to get to the bottom of this. Someone has to.

March 20, 2007 – Long Time No Write

I know it’s been a while, but a lot has happened over the past few weeks . . . a hostage situation at the Metro Court; Robin being shot; me directing her surgery over the phone to a medical student; her getting out alive and Alan dying. On top of that, I got my HIV test results back. I’m NEGATIVE.

That pending test had practically consumed every idle thought, but there was Robin. She was always there for me even when I made the mistake of going off to Las Vegas with Pete after an argument over our moving in together. Okay, I’ll admit that I’m sometimes an idiot. Not often, mind you, but I have my moments. When I got back she had been arrested and thought I really didn’t want her to live with me. How wrong she was. I love her and I wanted her with me, but I get scared sometimes of needing her too much.

I didn’t realize how much I needed her until I found out she’d been shot and I thought I was going to lose her. I realized then that my life wouldn’t be worth living without her. I finally understood what my dad must have gone through when he lost my mother. He says I’m a better man than he is, but I think he’s wrong. The only difference would be that I would have had him there to help me get through it.

Anyway, she was saved, thanks to Nikolas and Emily. Elizabeth and Carly apparently had a little something to do with saving Robin, as well. I owe them all more than I could ever repay. Robin is safe and sound and staying at Mac’s. I’m still not really sure how I feel about that, but I’m glad she’s getting to spend some time with her family.

In the midst of all this, we did suffer a tragedy – the death of Alan Quartermaine. I really wish I’d known him better. He was always understanding and compassionate with me. I hate that Robin had to lose another person she held dear. But that just goes to show that you have to live each day as if it were your last. Nothing is promised.