November 29 - Not Quitting

The last week has been rough – Laura Spencer going back into her catatonic state, the incident in the OR with Mr. Whitney and the anniversary of Stone’s death. All of that would affect anyone, but Robin is taking it really hard that she allowed the Spencer family to have “false hope”, as she puts it. Robin’s tenacity is the reason Laura had additional time with her family and while her family is grieving the loss right now, I know they appreciate the time they had with Laura. I know that because I would give almost anything to have even an hour with my mother.

The Whitney procedure didn’t help Robin’s outlook. It was supposed to be his turning point and we almost lost him on the table, but we didn’t. Somehow as a result, Robin believes that she’s a failure, when she’s anything but. Her research and brilliance is what got Mr. Whitney to the point where he could get through a surgery. It’s because of her that he’s alive. Robin’s biggest problem is that she gets close to her patients. It’s also one of the things that make her an exceptional doctor. Robin, Ms. “Optimism”, has hit a wall and she’s going through this crisis of faith. But I guess the OR incident plus the anniversary of Stone’s death would have an adverse affect.

Stone. Robin’s first love died young and that is imprinted in her mind and heart. I would never try to take that love away from her and I know she loves me, but it still feels like a competition. Maybe, it’s just my competitive nature, but Stone’s memory has been perfected in Robin’s mind. It’s what we do when we loss the people we love – we remember the good and put it in a box. I don’t know if Stone had lived whether he and Robin would still be together. I’d like to think that she would have still become the brilliant doctor that walked into my OR a year ago and turned my world on its axis. Either way we’re together now and I’m not quitting on her or letting her quit without a fight.

November 23 – Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned. Dad was at the clinic and I had to work, but I was invited to spend Thanksgiving dinner with Robin’s family. That could have been a big deal had it actually happened.

Instead, we had a medical emergency that kept both Robin and I at the hospital. That is after I got a call to check on Laura Spencer, who it appears is relapsing back into psycho-motor dissociation. After the wedding the other day, we really hoped she’d have more time with her family. It’s sad that that isn’t going to happen. I understand better now why Robin was so adamant about giving Laura the LS49. Laura Spencer is an amazing woman of strength and dignity – she deserved this time with her family even it was only temporary.

I’m not sure that Robin sees it that way though. When I told her what was happening to Laura, she was pretty upset. Lately, she’s been pretty hard on herself for having pushed the treatment when Nikolas, Lucky and Lulu are suffering, but I believe that while they may be sad to lose their mother again, they’re grateful for the time they had together. I know I’m grateful for the time I have with my father and for Robin. This year has had plenty of twists and turns, but in many ways, it’s been better than I ever hoped.

November 15 – Feeling Guilty

When I saw Robin earlier, I mistakenly thought she was worried about what Pete said about our relationship. She quickly tossed that out the window. Robin actually said that she has total trust in me. How far we have come!

What was really bothering her was the fact that we know Laura Spencer is going to relapse into her physical condition in a just weeks. Robin’s taking it hard. She feels as if she got everyone’s hopes up for them to only be crushed in the very near future. I tried telling her that she was just doing her job. I know if it were me, I’d want whatever time I had to be shared with the ones I love. Laura Spencer is doing that. I just hope Robin can get over the guilt.

November 13 – Making Friends

An old college buddy of mine, Peter Marquez, is now a professor at Port Charles University and I wanted to meet Robin. After all, he was instrumental in my moving here and therefore instrumental in my getting to know Robin better. I just thought it was about time for him to meet her, since I’ve finally admitted I’m in love with her. Anyway, I invited him out for a drink at Jake’s, where after I told him I’d fallen in love with Robin, he proceeded to try “saving” me . . . from myself. What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t need saving. Being in love is better than I ever imagined it could be.

When Robin arrived, Pete was trying to talk me into a trip to Las Vegas to “clear my head”. The two were introduced and from then on it was like a tennis match, each of them volleying. While I played referee, the two of them went at it. At one point, Robin said something about love and passion not lasting. I guess that’s one thing I have to disagree on, because I’ve seen love last. I watched my father and mother and even now I know that my father still loves her. It’s also as clear as day that Robert Scorpio still has feelings for Anna. So, while things may happen to relationships, the love doesn’t necessarily end. Robin sounded pretty convinced, but instead of starting another debate with her, I’ll just have to show her different.

As the debate on love continued, I tried changing the subject to something “fun” like a root canal or a hangover. Didn’t work. Before I knew it, Robin was quoting Lincoln’s eulogy and Pete was quoting himself. It was ridiculous. After he left, I asked Robin if I was as bad as Pete when we first met and she said I was worse. I think she may be exaggerating. She’s done that before.

November 9 - Next Steps

Telling Robin "I love you" may have been the best move I've ever made. For a long time, I was afraid to admit my feelings and now that I have, I'm relieved. It's not everyday that a man gets a woman like Robin Scorpio. She's my best friend - the one person I know I can depend on. I feel like we may be on our way to something better than we could imagine. The fact that she shared her "meltdown" with me clearly said that she trusts me - with her fears and with her heart. That's not something I take lightly.

Back at the hospital, I ran into my second best girl - Epiphany. She accused me of being in romantic bliss with Robin. She's very intuitive. And even though she'd never admit to anyone, Epiphany is happy for us. I can tell. I love Robin and I know she loves me. Epiphany gave orders about PDAs at the nurse's station. Robin and I will try to keep it private. I didn't make any promises. Robin thought my making her my special french toast was amazing, but this is only the beginning.

November 7 – Love . . . A Frightening Thing

What started as a night of spontaneity ended with me admitting that I love Robin. After a discussion about our becoming predictable, we ended up at Luke’s casino for a night of gambling. Just when we were about to go back to my apartment and “play”, we got called in for an emergency. The patient who happened to have AIDS needed surgery and Robin was worried. As a result, she reverted to type – she got into my OR and started giving “suggestions” as to how I should proceed with the procedure.

As soon as the surgery was over, she disappeared. But I found her later and told her in no uncertain terms that when I’m operating, I’m in charge. She’s just there to observe and provide any additional insight into the care of the patient, not in the direction I take a procedure. In the midst of my explaining that, I happened to blurt out that I love her.

I guess I’ve known for a while that I loved Robin, but I got scared. Maybe it was fear of losing her the way my father lost my mother. Maybe it was the fear of not being able to give her what she needs. Whatever the reason, in the middle of an argument about another surgery on an AIDS patient, I blurted it out and what did I get for my declaration – a lecture. Robin defenses went up because she was scared. I knew that, but that didn’t make her comment about love never being a part of our relationship hurt any less.

So what did I do, I did what I do best. I pursued her. I showed up at her place with flowers and a radio and told her all the reasons I love her and need her. She finally admitted to her fear and told me that . . . she loved me, too. I mean, I knew that. How could she not? But, it was good to hear. Everyone wants to hear the words.