December 20 – New Digs

I was right. Robin found an apartment – the perfect one according to her. I thought I could get out of it. After all, I have the perfect situation living in a hotel. Robin, of course, disagrees. She kept making comments as if she’d be living there with me. And she blew it off, but I’m not sure where that was going and I didn’t really have time to pursue it, because the ignorant landlord stopped in.

One minute, he’s offering me a lease and the next he’s telling me that he has to look out for the other residents because I treat patients with HIV and AIDS. How ridiculous is that? It pissed me off. The next thing I know, I’m threatening lawsuits and the press about his discrimination and now I’ve got an apartment I don’t even want. But, there are a few fringe benefits. We christened a couple of flat surfaces before we left. I guess I’ll go sign that lease tomorrow. This could definitely turn out to be worth my time and money.

December 14 – Changes

Not only can I not do surgeries while my hand is in this cast, I can’t even dress myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever been as frustrated in my life as I was when Robin showed up at my door this morning. There I was in my underwear with my pants around my knees. How ridiculous is that? Robin offered to stay with me last night, but I knew she needed her sleep after the five or six shots of Tequila she downed at Jake’s.

As a result of my fractured hand, I’ve been relegated to speeches and meetings at work. To top that off, my dad is now doing surgery on my patients. If Robin hadn’t gone to Jake’s drinking none of this would have happened. But, it did. Now she’s busy trying to make it up to me . . . by finding me an apartment. I told her that I’d like to have a place of my own, but the hotel is really convenient. Other than the fact that it’s costing me a fortune, it’s great. Room service. Maid service. What more could a guy ask for? I guess I’ll find out soon, because Robin is nothing if not tenacious. If she says she’ll find me an apartment, she will.

December 11 – Drinking at Jakes

What was I thinking? Oh that’s right, I wasn’t thinking. After that talk with my dad, all I knew was that I had to find Robin. I knew Robin was drowning in guilt, but I hadn’t thought about the fear of going on. So what do I do? I go and find her. What’s she doing? Drinking . . . at Jake’s. When I saw her taking that shot all I could do was see my dad – drowning his sorrows because he lost my mother and I couldn’t let Robin sink any lower into herself. I had to get her out of there. But she with her inhibitions lowered resisted me. All I was trying to do was get my girl and go home. She could sober up and we could talk. That would have been too easy.

Instead, Coleman steps in like I’d actually hurt Robin. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I’m in x-ray with a broken hand. Robin was obviously still somewhat drunk because there she was reciting my resume’ to the x-ray tech as if she cared. And if all that wasn’t bad enough, my dad was on call at the hospital. The humiliation just kept on coming. Dad basically called me a moron for trying to “impress the babe”, which Robin definitely is despite what she says. What he didn’t get was that I wasn’t trying to impress her or defend her honor, I was protecting her.

The worst part of all this is that I can’t operate for a while. But there may be a bright side – Robin offered to take care of me. She’ll have to help me dress and all sorts of other things. There could be a benefit to all this. One thing I’m definitely glad about – voice recognition software. Who knew it would come in so handy?

December 8 – The Competition

After Robin left me on the roof, I had a run-in with Epiphany. She had the nerve to comment about my relationship with Robin. That was the last thing I needed to hear from her. I gave her a run down of the pecking order around the hospital. I know it won’t do me any good, but it felt good at the time. At least until she threw the fact that my relationship with Robin is pretty public anyway. That’s none of her business. The only thing she should be worried about is making sure my patients are checked.

Dad walked up to the nurses’ station just as Epiphany walked away. I didn’t need a run-in with him, too, and I told him so. Instead of lecturing me, he offered me an ear and some advice. I think I understand better what happened to him when Mom died. He lost the person that was most central to his life and he felt guilty that he was still alive and fear that he might lose someone else. That’s why he’s never tried to be in another relationship. That also explains Robin better. While I’ve thought I was in competition with Stone for her affection, I’ve really been a source of her distress. Or the possible loss of me is a source of her distress. I have no doubt that she loves me. I just don’t know how to help her move past her fear of losing me or losing love again. I can’t promise to always be there, because accidents happen everyday. But I can promise to love her and be there for as long as I can.

December 7 – Survivor’s Guilt

Dad really got his today. He comes up to the nurse’s station to give me a hard time for scaring one of his patients out of surgery with the truth. Little did he know, the real culprit was someone he’s never met - the Dark and Deconstructive Dr. Robin Scorpio. Robin’s taken on a fatalistic view and she has tunnel vision. It’s shadowing her treatment of patients and her life. She’s telling every patient the truth, but not with any compassion or her innate sense of optimism. Dad told her as well or better than I could that she’s selling herself, her patients and her talent short. The pessimism and negativity are eating her alive and she can’t see it.

Obviously, her lecture from Dad didn’t do much good, because the next time I saw her she was giving Alexis her eulogy. Robin, after reviewing Alexis’ chart, stated every negative fact that could be stated, but she left out that with cancer, attitude is everything. Alexis is brave and tenacious and has a positive attitude and she’ll need that in order to recover. Robin knows that, but she’s so busy drowning in her own misery that she can’t give anyone the hope they need to fight.

Robin has a classic case of survivor’s guilt. She feels guilty that she’s able to live when Laura’s stuck inside her own mind. She feels guilty that Stone died when she lived. The cocktail worked for her and not for Stone. She’s lived 10 years with the drugs and Stone died young. After her relationship with Jason ended, she went to Paris and buried herself in her work, ignoring the beauty that is Paris and refusing to live. Now she’s back in Port Charles and has fallen in love with me. This has been coming ever since she admitted that she loved me. This meltdown only needed a catalyst and Laura Spencer was it. I need Robin to realize what she’s doing to herself and everyone around her. I’m worried about her and I don’t know how to help her.

December 6 – Relationship World

Robin stopped by my place earlier and apologized for dragging our personal relationship into our professional debate. I know she’s going through a hard time, so I didn’t push her too hard. I realized Pete, with all his arrogance and opinions on relationships, was right. Relationships with people you love are harder than one-night stands, but they, with all their frustrations and misunderstandings, are so much more satisfying than I ever thought they could be.

I love Robin and I’m not going to stop. She drives me crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My relationship with her is what I wanted before I even knew it. We talked about what Pete considers the downfall of man – Relationship World, where Robin makes all the rules and just tells me when I break them. That could be a problem, depending on the rules, but Robin made a few that I think I’m going to like:

1) We always give each other the benefit of the doubt.
2) We’re always honest with each other.
3) Walking out is acceptable, but giving up is not.

This “Relationship” thing just keeps getting better.

December 5 – In Pain

I’m not sure this is what I signed up for. Robin is on a tare and taking it out on everyone around her. She’s attacking me at every turn and I almost think she’s looking for a fight. I’m not planning on giving her one. I’m trying to be a supportive boyfriend, but what do I get? That I’m throwing her shortcomings in her face. Give me a break. I’m just trying to make Robin see that she’s human and what happened to Laura and her family is not her fault.

When I finally told Robin I loved her, I thought of what my parents were like when I was a kid. It never occurred to me what that must have cost them. Robin is in so much pain and grief right now and she’s on the defense. It’s what she does when she’s trying to protect herself. Everything in me wants to help her. I guess this is what love is, wanting to help someone even when they’re trying to push you away. Robin had the nerve to basically tell me to leave her alone – as if that’s going to happen. She’s fighting me all the way, but I won’t let her handle this alone, no matter what she says.

December 4 – Not the Same

Pete came by the hospital and what do I do, I find myself whining. Whining! Me! What has happened to me? Pete says love. He could be right.

For months, Robin did nothing but berate me for my bedside manner and my lack of social graces when it came to treating my patients, now she’s done an about face. I’m trying to give my patients some hope, when Robin has lost hope and she’s taking it out on everyone around her. Oddly enough, I understand that. Every time she experiences a loss, it brings back the loss of Stone and I can only imagine what that feels like.

Pete helped me bring a few things into focus. I’m not the same man I used to be. I love Robin. She’s hurting right now. I’m not giving up on her. I don’t know how long our time together will last, but it’s much more satisfying than being without her. I know I have to be supportive, because right now she’s drowning and I won’t lose her to this.

December 3 – Overreacting

Robin is definitely overreacting to the fact that Laura had a relapse. We knew this could happen from the start. So did Luke. Lucky even told Robin that none of this is her fault and that he and his siblings were glad for the time they had with Laura. But Robin is allowing this loss to affect the way she treats every patient. The Robin I know and love would never give up on a patient. She would fight tooth and nail to give any patient more time with their family, but now it’s like she’s lost her faith in herself and medicine. She couldn’t save Laura, so now she’s giving up on everyone.

On Thursday, Robin scared the parents of a kid with the “truth.” The kid has a tumor the size of a grapefruit and Robin basically told his parents that no matter what, their kid wasn’t going to make it. That’s not Robin. I know she’s having a hard time and I’m going to be there for her, but I can’t let her scare the patients into not getting the treatment they need. While medicine is a science, it’s not exact. Anything can happen. Getting Laura back in the first place was a miracle. I’ve got to find a way to show Robin that.